Losing My London Virginity

 

An Intro to My First Time in London. 

Taxi Cabs

During my first time in London, I could not fucking wait to jump in a little British cab and hear, “WHIH YA GOIN TODAY LOVE, INNIT BRUVUH? INNIT? OY YEAH LOVE, WHEH WE GOIN THEN? BLOODY HELL ME KNICKERS IN A TWIST.” The second half of that dream didn’t come true, but the first part did. Hopping in the iconic cabs of London was indeed exciting, probably because I’ve seen it on TV so many times. However, it was much different than I expected. 

New York City cab drivers are a class act. I mean it. The amount of times I’ve been shown kindness by these poor drivers is really astounding. I remember one driver literally didn’t even flinch as I put my head through his window from the back seat and asked him if he was married with vodka droplets from my breath practically dripping into his ear. 

I would never expect anyone to want to put up with that level of shit show. All I’m saying is, NYC drivers have the patience of a saint. They seem to really like engaging in chat, learning more about me, and telling me about them. London? Not. Fucking. At. All.

A few times I tried to ask for suggestions or start a small conversation, and those few times I was ignored. Only one time did a driver show me kindness because I was able to identify his ringtone as the theme from Peaky Blinders. He was surprised I knew the show. (I’m obsessed with the fookin’ Shelbies.) 

Borough Market

I’m a huge foodie – I’m sure you can tell by looking at me. Borough Market has no shortage of artisan and locally-sourced food, and such a variety at that. Although, with the onset of COVID19, I doubt the exotic meat stall will be in business for much longer. It was nice to have one of my good friends, Abe with us, as he knew where to go for the best treats. Without guidance, the experience is definitely dizzying. I learned that the next time I come to visit, I definitely need to devote more time to carousing around the market at a leisurely pace. Visiting Borough Market could easily be a half-day activity. Some English cheese and fruity prosecco from the market made for awesome “Welcome to London” treats. 

• 

Nightlife in London

I’m (not sure that I’m) proud to say that I did not return home until 6 in the morning on my first night in London. It really is a remarkable feat considering how early the pubs and bars shut down. I was surprised to see the lights turn on at 2 AM at our last stop of the night. 

Finding ourselves orphaned like little Oliver Twist, we finally found refuge in a casino. I couldn’t even tell you how we found this place, but find it we did. From 3 AM to 5 AM, (from what I remember) we had a decent time. Nina was able to turn 30 dollars into 300 in a matter of 15 minutes! I have to remember to bring her to Vegas with me!

Nina and I found out that the casino keeps these lobsters in a cage crowded together. We spoke with one of the supervisors about how dismayed we felt about this. We were also really hammered. I’m sure he appreciated the feedback. 

At the end of the night, we got McDonald’s breakfast and watched the sunrise before walking back to our hotel. More thoughts on nightlife at the end of this!

Getting Comfortable During My First Time in London.

The Ghost Bus Tour

This was the stupidest fucking tour I have ever done. I repeat – I do not recommend doing this tour during your first time in London. I really mean that, and don’t forget I marched for three hours in India and got bit by a leech in the process and that STILL was better than this. Nina and I wanted to like this, we really did, but it fell short so badly. It was so terrible that we couldn’t stop laughing. You start by boarding a tour bus decked out in funeral home chic. The guide tells you it is a retired hearse, which is already a lie because… it’s a bus. Who was this a hearse for? Lynard Skynard? You are able to go on the top or bottom level. 

As the bus drives around, you are able to see fellow passengers about the not hearse on a black and white television. The bus makes several stops at spots that I’m sure aren’t haunted and are instead fabrications. At one stop, we picked up a “ghost” who meandered around the bus freeloading. The awkward woman in gaudy white face paint crept around silently. In introducing her, the guide’s voice had one of those corny “spOoOoOoOky” sounds to it. Trust me when I say, it was a disaster. 

Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese

This classic came at the recommendation of both a dear friend and the renowned wife-beater, Charles Dickens. Dickens and a few other famed British authors used to drink at this historic spot. This pub was exciting for me because it’s a living history! Venturing into the dark and dingy cellar to have our beers, we were immediately transported back in time. For an hour or more, I sat with the ghosts of Londoners from many years past. If you know my blog, you know I geek out at these types of experiences. It was a true treat.

Duck and Waffle

More like Douche and Waffle, this is another location I wouldn’t personally recommend visiting during your first time in London. We rolled up to the bouncer (this is a restaurant mind you) on a weekday night. He hemmed and hawed and wondered aloud if he should let us in because Nina (my cousin) was wearing *gasp* flip flops! After thoroughly berating her for having the audacity to wear entirely appropriate summertime shoes, he finally gave us the HONOR of being let inside. We had some rose’ at the bar before being led up to our table where…wait for it. THE DINING ROOM WAS FUCKING EMPTY.

So, what was the big deal about fucking flip flops then? This had to have been the most egregious display of pretentiousness I’ve ever seen. We were so disgusted by the snobbery that we barely wanted to eat from the stupid menu, but we did. I got, what else? The duck and waffle. It was OK, nothing to write home about. It’s a shame because I like the concept of this place as I’m a huge fan of duck. But this place is FOR THE BIRDS. 

One of my fondest memories will always be the four of us strolling along the river Thames. The sun shining, a Pimm’s cup in hand, and looking out into the horizon is all the healing I need. I loved considering all of the people in history who had seen the Thames. Everyone from the commoners to the aristocracy. I imagined what they must have been thinking about years ago as they shared the same view I did. We strolled the Thames regularly and there was always something new to see. There was never any shortness of entertainment and I highly recommend spending time here during your first time in London. 

Afternoon Pick-Me-Ups in London

Nearly every afternoon into the evening, we would relax at the Wonderground. It’s a carnival-themed outdoors area and it feels as though you’ve stepped into the circus or Alice in Wonderland. Just In Bean serves the best iced coffee with Bailey’s added, even the ice cubes are made of coffee! It was entertaining to wander around the area and see what circus-themed live shows were going to be playing. It’s a fun fair atmosphere and a relaxing way to end the day.

• 

  

  

Tower of London

I’m such a history nerd, so visiting the Tower of London felt like an immense privilege and a must-visit attraction during my first time in London. I had no idea how extensive the place is, as exploring it can take a day – sometimes two! In particular, I was on the hunt for Tudor era history and I wanted to walk anywhere that Anne Boleyn once did. For more on that, read this post!

Dishoom – Carnaby

London has a reputation for being home to some of the best Indian food outside of India. One of the most famed includes Dishoom. We visited the one in Carnaby, and it exceeded its already outstanding reputation. The waitstaff is top-notch and the interior is robust. The motto of the restaurant is “From Bombay with Love.” Having been to Mumbai (formerly Bombay) my self, I can say the aesthetics are remarkably similar to some of the top-rated restaurants I have eaten in there. Dim lights, different shades of browns, and sleek wooden decor. Each of us picked a few dishes to share and engaged in heated political discussion (naturally) as we scoffed the food down. Dishroom offers some classics such as biryani and grilled dishes with ingenious twists. Enter, paneer pineapple tikka!  

Jinjuu

A limited number of dinner options following an evening theater performance left us visiting this Korean hot spot in Soho for dinner. Off the bat, the ambiance is sexy and chic which made me feel like I belonged a blobfish pulled from the depths of the ocean and smooshed into a booth in the back of the place. 

The drink options here are a knockout. Jinjuu uses unique ingredients in their imbibements including red ginseng, peach soju, aloe vera foam, kumquat, and more. Five stars for the ingenuity of whoever created these drink concepts because they are off the charts!

Now, for food. Meep is my honest opinion for the cuisine in one word. There is apparently no dinner, only “late-night bites” and lunch. Reading the menu, the options seemed really promising. However, each dish that we ordered came with two measly little servings – even if we ordered two of each it was not enough food. Not conducive to sharing as advertised. To top it off, I didn’t think the food was all that good – and I really like Korean food. 

The Height of My First Time in London.

Westminster Abbey

I remember watching the wedding of Princess Kate Middleton to Prince William. Her long walk down Westminster Abbey’s black and white tiled floor mesmerized me. I was utterly fascinated with the place and the spectacle around her wedding. Although I had barely left the country at that point in my life, I was so interested that the monarchy in the UK was still held in such regard. I never thought I would get to travel the world, let alone actually get to visit Westminster Abbey. 

Sometimes dreams come true. 

Les Miserables

Furthermore, I never thought I would be astonished at a live performance anywhere in the world. I live in New York City, so I see Broadway shows all of the time. Therefore, I hold the caliber of that level of performance to most productions. I can’t help it, it comes with the territory of being a New Yorker. That being said, I missed my opportunity to see Les Miserables on Broadway in New York. However, I’ve seen many versions of it in film and I know all of the songs by heart. It is my favorite musical of all time. I was given the opportunity to see it in London’s theater district during my first time in London. Best of all, I was seated in the second row. Honestly, I had never sat so close to the stage in my life. 

Falling in Love

Not only is the plot exceptional, but the music is also superior. At the close of “One Day More” I couldn’t even stop myself. I didn’t just cry, I SOBBED uncontrollably. The people around me thought I was mentally ill. I’m crying as I write this now. It is nothing short of magic that some people have a gift to bring performance to life. Imagine producing something so beautiful that it makes someone like me move to tears. It may have been the first time I cried during the play, it certainly was not the last. This was one of the greatest moments of my entire life. There is not a car ride that goes by (and I drive a lot) that I do not play at least one song from the soundtrack.

After the play, we got to meet the man who played the lead, Jean Val Jean. Nina and I were super-shy about meeting him, but my husband led us by the hand like little baby school children. JVJ signed our playbooks and chatted with us. Chatted! With us commoners! As if he wasn’t a god among mere mortals! He noted that he thought it was so cool that we were from New York City. His dream was to perform there. This man, who gave the performance of a lifetime, still thought he could dream bigger. Unreal. 

I bought a “Les Miserables” shirt after the play. I wear it to work every time that I really don’t want to be there and feel quite “miserable.” 

Cahoot

Walking home one night, we were approached by a man who emerged from an alley. He said to follow him, and so we did. I understand how painfully creepy that sounds, especially to my mother if she’s reading this. However, he led us to a hidden, deep, dark basement. I realize that this somehow sounds even worse. He led us to Cahoot – the most incredible underground bar ever. If you’re looking for unique things to do during your first time in London, check out Cahoot.

Speaking of dangerous places, read this. 

Inside Cahoot

Cahoot’s design takes you back to the 1940s. The aesthetics and staff do an exceptional job at transporting the guests. Waiters wear traditional 40’s garb and are superior in their ability to pick the perfect cocktail if you have any trouble choosing. You definitely will, because the options are all superior and the array is dizzying. Visiting Cahoot will have guests understanding the difference between a mixologist and a bartender. The folks behind the bar are scientists with magical hands, and the inventors behind the menu are genius. 

Speaking of the menus, they are giant newspapers which give you the low down on each cocktail. Food is referred to as “rations” at Cahoot. As we sipped our drinks in the dimly lit happening place, I totally got the vibe that this was an underground tunnel meets speakeasy concept. Cahoot is flawless in the execution of their theme! It’s truly the only place that rivals the most incredible drinking hole I’ve visited – Stagger Lee in Berlin.  

Tower Bridge

This is undoubtedly the most iconic London photo spot. Seeing it on television always makes my heart beat fast with joy, I have no idea why, it just does. Seeing it in real life made my heart damn near jump out of my chest. It looks like a bridge straight out of a child’s playset comes to life. I loved walking over it several times and people watching, especially the three-card Monty folks trying to hustle people out of money. I enjoyed standing smack in the middle and enjoying the view and sunshine. Absolutely brilliant. 

Pubs, Fish, and Chips

I hold this experience with just as much esteem as all of the top sights of London. My favorite type of places to drink are old man bars. While the ambiance of London pubs vary greatly, plenty had what I was looking for indeed. A roaring fireplace, one old man reading a newspaper, dim lights, and great beer. The pub food everywhere was EXCELLENT including the Sunday roast and savory pies. Fish and chips met every expectation of mine and the mushy peas were a beautiful accompaniment.

Gordon’s Wine Bar

If you’re looking for the sexiest spot for a date during your first time in London, look no further. This wine bar is one of the oldest and has been frequented by many a London talent over the years. It’s set in an underground cave and is lit by candlelight. It’s incredibly cozy and romantic. They offer the perfect small plate accompaniments (think cheese, olives, meat, etc) and of course exceptional wine! If you happen to be here with a friend, like I was, it’s a great hidden place to talk shit about people. 

Afternoon Tea in London

Having afternoon tea while in London was a MUST for me and a must for you during your first time in London. As an Alice in Wonderland aficionado, I was delighted to see that the Sanderson hotel offered a Mad Hatter’s afternoon tea party! Every treat and beverage was themed, The hotel really outdid themselves. Click here for more on the experience. 

Performance at the Globe Theater

An experience I have longed to have since I was 15 years old, I was so excited to tick this off the bucket list during my first time in London. I attended a performance of The Winter’s Tale at the Globe Theater one evening. I laughed, I teared up and I was enthralled with every moment. One of the finer moments was looking around the theater and being able to determine which guests, like me, had been waiting years upon years to be there at the Globe. 

The Come Down. The end of my first time in London.

London Dungeon

You may think the London Dungeon is touristy, but I don’t care – I loved it and highly recommend visiting during your first time in London. I also don’t know why I felt very nervous when buying our tickets. I guess I thought fear from “scary experiences” left with my childhood, but apparently not, as I felt my heart pound the minute we entered. The dungeon is HUGE – it’s very deceiving from the outside.

London Dungeon takes you on an interactive experience through London’s most haunted history. We walked through the beheading of Anne Boleyn, the plague, Jack the Ripper, the demon barber of Fleet Street, and more. The theatrics were really top-notch and the special effects were incredible.

At one point, the executioner who “took Anne Boleyn’s head” looked into the audience for another head big enough to take. Naturally, he put his pliers around my melon head and said, “oh yes – this is perfect – it’s big enough.” I know I have the biggest head in the universe, but DAMN bro.

The British Museum

There are certainly plenty of options to choose from in terms of getting a museum fix in London. I chose the British Museum for all of the pride that the UK holds for this museum. It contains thousands upon thousands of artifacts and works from nations and civilizations around the world and is among one of the largest collections on the planet. 

Visiting the British Museum means having the opportunity to see curiosities from around the world that most people only hear about in school. The museum is extensive, but I got to see some awesome exhibits including:

The Rosetta Stone!

The Seahorse Bar

We capped off our last night in London at the Seahorse Bar. The crowd seemed to be mostly corporate folks coming off of happy hour and into standard nighttime drinking. The place is fairly small and has an illuminated bar. Nearly everyone inside was absolutely wasted. How do I know? Almost all of them were falling over onto the floor at least once, slurring their speech, dancing furiously, and using each other as barricades to fall into. One woman was SO loaded that she pushed open the bathroom stall door as I was peeing and began rummaging for her wallet, seemingly unaware that I was on the toilet. I’ve heard many a tale about how drunk Londoners get and I wasn’t disappointed here. It was a good time had by all.   

Buckingham Palace

While we didn’t actually tour Buckingham Palace, we stood outside at night and watched the guards march around. It was still fun to actually see the place and admire the scale of it! It was double fun to be the tacky American tourists yelling, “move faster!” at the guards.

Safe Words. (Phrases I Picked Up During My First Time in London)

Cheeky: impudent or irreverent, typically in an endearing or amusing way

Bruv-uh: bro

Brilliant: remarkable, genius

Bloody: very

Pillow Talk. Thoughts on London as a Partner.

I’ve always wanted to visit London for a myriad of reasons. When I learned that I’d have the opportunity to go, and with such a great group – the high of the excitement carried me through most of the summer. 

What I soon realized during my first time in London is that the city’s huge. I mean, London’s REALLY packing. Personally, this was intimidating and I obviously didn’t know how to handle such a big city.

I had so much on my list to see, and I only got to a fraction of it. The things that I did get the chance to see are what make me feel very lucky and privileged. To have seen Westminster Abbey? To have watched a performance at The Globe Theater? How could I not? This was one of my most memorable trips. 

I planned so much for my first time in London. I’m slightly sad that I didn’t maximize my time there to the fullest extent. Many of my days were spent waking up late and leaving little time to see all the sites. I would later find out that my weird bouts of fatigue were because I was newly pregnant!

In a city like London, I’d cram three to four sights into a day. On this trip, I feel that I barely saw one, maybe I half saw two. I missed breakfast most days and sadly never had an English breakfast. Guess I’ll have to save beans and tomatoes for next time.

Final Thoughts of My First Time in London.

During your first time in London, you’ll soon realize that the city is huge and expansive. With that being said, I’m really surprised and disappointed in the nightlife and culinary options. There were so many times that we had to choose from the one restaurant open because every place that we wanted to eat was shut down. There was not a lot of time between the closing of attractions and closing of restaurants to get a meal in. It seemed to me that restaurants close SUPER early which was disappointing, and often left me feeling so angry and frustrated. Rather than experience London’s renaissance culinary scene, I was “settling” for meals that never seemed to ‘wow’ me. 

I always thought London was similar to New York City. In my city, at least prior to having my son, it was rare that I and others would go out for the night and make it home before sunrise! In London, I had to try SO hard to find places that were open late for drinks! I wasn’t upset so much as I was surprised – where is all of the nightlife I’ve heard so much about!? 

I simply need more time to explore this city. I can’t wait to go back for round two! I’ve only scratched the surface of what it has to offer!

I saw more to England than just London. Click here to check out Bath!