I’ve got a thing for pirates. It’s really due to my affinity for drinking…and swearing…and peg legs (what?) Therefore, it’s no surprise that after visiting Amsterdam, I became absolutely taken with my experience cruising along the canals with ‘Those Dam Boat Guys.’
Quick-witted, proficient in history, snarky as hell, and friendly as fuck — the talented guides ensure that this tour of Amsterdam’s waterways is a true cut above the rest. I’m so grateful to have gotten the chance to interview Neil from ‘Those Dam Boat Guys.’ Read below to find out why a cruise with his company is an absolute must and also, to find out what’s at the bottom of the infamous Amsterdam canals.
WWT: Why is a canal cruise an essential part of a visit to Amsterdam?
Those Dam Boat Guys: The canals are synonymous with Amsterdam. People call Amsterdam ‘Venice of the North’. In reality, Venice should be called ‘Amsterdam of the South.’ Canals are everywhere, and whether you’re a tourist or a local, being on the water is the go-to activity on sunny days. Nothing beats relaxing with a cold drink on a hot day (or a hot drink on a cold day!) while taking in the spectacular views of this majestic city. The big difference is the locals (and some very wise tourists) know the way to cruise is on a small, chilled-out boat with cool people. We couldn’t agree more!
WWT: What do guests gain by seeing the city by water as opposed to just walking around? Please tell me something positive, as I HATE walking around.
Those Dam Boat Guys: A cruise upon the water is an absolute must, but, make no mistake, a walk upon the cobblestone streets of Amsterdam is a close 2nd. It’s easily one of the most walkable cities in the world, but it can be a little overwhelming for newcomers. Navigating the throngs of bikes, trams, and cars coming at you from seemingly every angle can be daunting. Chill out, hop on, and appreciate the beauty of the buildings, bridges, and city-scapes without the death-defying distractions!
WWT: How do you manage to stand out from other companies who also offer dam tours? There are so many!
Those Dam Boat Guys: Those Dam Boat Guys seem to stand out among the bunch because we provide an experience that we would want as tourists. This means small boats in small groups without any scripted bullshit. Whether it’s the route we take or the topic we discuss, nothing is off-limits. We’ll go anywhere and talk about anything! It’s much more a guided conversation than a guided tour. Interaction is key. This makes for a much more interesting experience, for both the passengers and the captain! It also helps that we encourage people to bring along anything they like to eat & drink (or smoke) for their own floating picnic!
WWT: I’m here for all of that. Tell me, what do you love about your job?
Those Damn Boat Guys: All of it. Everything. The world should be jealous. To be on a boat showing off the city that we love while meeting cool, happy, interesting people from all around the world and getting paid for it? It would feel so wrong if it didn’t feel so fucking right! Wait. Oops. Can I swear on here? Shit. Sorry. Sailor life.
WWT: Yes, please do swear here. It’s something I encourage! Your branding and the guides seem to be incredibly quick-witted and comedic. Is that a Dutch personality trait or unique to the people who work for the company?
Those Dam Boat Guys: The branding of our company came pretty naturally, to be honest. We’ve always considered ourselves pirates, of sorts. Authentic permit-holding, tax-paying, law-abiding pirates! From there, finding the right tone is easy. The website is a little cheeky, borderline offensive, but anyone who is offended won’t hop on, and anyone who isn’t is going to love the tour! All our captains, Dutch and non-Dutch, are all gems of the human species. Some excel comedically, others historically. Whatever the case, they’re cool, and they definitely know their stuff.
WWT: Tell me about a really memorable or surprising guest on your tours in Amsterdam?
Those Dam Boat Guys: One of the most memorable guests we’ve had onboard is probably HitchBot, the hitchhiking robot. We picked him up (and his creator, David) back in 2015. He loved the tour. He was on the European leg of his around-the-world hitchhiking adventure, but, unfortunately, shortly thereafter, met his untimely demise in the city of brotherly love – decapitated in Philidelphia. RIP HitchBot.
WWT: It’s decidedly American that he was smashed to death for no reason whatsoever, I think. Anyway, do you think there’s anything interesting at the bottom of the canals?
Those Dam Boat Guys: Love the question. There are indeed many things lost at the bottom of the canals. Not the least of which are bikes. Thousands upon thousands of bikes. In fact, 10k-15k are removed every year! Other than that, a couple of dozen phones and cameras accidentally dropped on our tours, alongside many other objects not from our passengers, like safes, guns, and grenades. Also, from time to time, a dead body. For real. Don’t drunkenly pee in the canals!
WWT: *Scratches peeing in the canals off bucket list* Who are your tours geared towards?
Those Dam Boat Guys: We gear our tours toward anyone who wants a good time. For real. We’re a favorite for all – from older, classy folks who enjoy good wine and tasty cheese, to young students who enjoy cheap beer and dank weed, to everyone in between. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter who you are or what you’re into, you’ll have a blast. The love of cruising the canals is one of those great equalizers in this world! So come, enjoy, and prove me right!
I’m so grateful to Neil of Those Dam Boat Guys for taking the time out of his busy day to do this interview! I owe you a drink the next time I’m in Amsterdam, or when you come to New York. I promise, if you visit ME, your time in the States will go a lot more smoothly than it did for Hitchbot!
Inquire or book your trip here!!
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