Are you visiting Amsterdam soon and wondering which heavily touristed hot spots are worth your time? In this article, I dish out my thoughts on five of the top heavy hitters. I also zero in on what I wish I knew before visiting each of these Amsterdam attractions so that you don’t make the same mistakes that I did!
Albert Cuyp Market.
Do you need lace leggings that can be found at any corner store or shopping mecca? How about a wind chime? No? Well, would you like some magnets or key-chains that most definitely weren’t made in Amsterdam? Want to buy the one you love some damaged and dying flowers? You get the idea.
What I wish I knew about this “Amsterdam attraction” is that it’s full of JUNK. Every blog and guide book lists it as a ‘must see’ only because every other blog and guide book does the same. If you’ve ever seen a market literally anywhere in your life, you’ll likely not be impressed by this one. The only upside are the copious amounts of stroopwafels that you can purchase, you know, because you can’t find those anywhere else in Amsterdam. Oh wait, you can.
The market is so extensive and crowded to a panic-inducing degree. We kept walking further and further in, hoping to find something worthwhile and unique. What we came across was cheap trinkets that are in no way unique at all, let alone unique to the Netherlands. This is more a place for bored locals than time-pressed travelers. The most annoying part was realizing halfway through our walk that this place sucked, and having to walk all the way back through the sweaty, poorly-behaved crowd.
Avoid, avoid, avoid!
A True Amsterdam Attraction: The Cheese Museum.
A significant portion of my life revolves around cheese. I’ve read a handful of studies that liken taking a bite of cheese to taking a bump of cocaine. Each time I look down at the scale, I feel like that makes a lot of sense.
It comes as no surprise that the very first stop that I made in Amsterdam after checking into our accommodation was the Amsterdam Cheese Museum. It’s a smallish place, but with cozy vibes or ‘gezellig’ (ambiance) as the Dutch say.
I had no idea that there would be dozens of samples of cheese available for free. I’m an impulse shopper unfortunately, and our lodging didn’t have a refrigerator. Therefore, I found myself reeling over choosing just one type of cheese to purchase for our canal cruise later that day. Also, with so much to do and so much cheese in the Netherlands, I had no idea if we would return. I felt a heightened state of agita about the prospect of not returning to safely procure my new favorite fromages.
Therefore, if you’re an absolute cheese weirdo like me and your space doesn’t have a fridge, I suggest visiting this Amsterdam attraction on the day of your departure. You can sample to your heart’s delight, purchase your favorites (and delectable souvenirs for loved ones), and throw them in your bag.
The Amsterdam Heineken Experience.
I know I’m about to sound like a cretin, but nobody gives a shit about the brewing process of beer UNLESS they have a handlebar mustache and listen to vinyl. The first part of the Heineken experience is where guests can learn all about the ‘brewing process.’ It’s a self guided tour where everyone snaps photos of themselves, pretends to read the little plaques of information, and forgets what they read by the end of the day. “Something somethingggg barley…something something….hops….big copper vat.” Got it.
After you pretend to be interested in that, you get to meet the Heineken horses. I had no idea that this was part of the experience and was surprised to see live animals in a (kind of) museum. Well, I mean, they live in their outdoor stables. They’re not trotting around the barrels and shitting into the brewing vats.
Still, the horses blew my mind! I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. I really had no idea about the connection between horses and brewing — I thought it was a marketing thing. It turns out, horses have always been vital to the beer industry. In the eighteenth century, they were literally used as ‘horse power’ to operate the machinery to make the beer. Also, the horses made actual deliveries of Heineken in the 19th century which is pretty crazy. Imagine opening your door in the way you do for an Amazon box, except it’s a team of giant horses standing there like, “Yo, we getting litty or what?” Heineken is one of only a few breweries that still have horses.
Day Drinking is the Real Attraction Here.
The Heineken Experience was the first thing that we did in the morning, even before breakfast. I can’t recommend this enough. Being utterly wasted before noon off of beer and feeling your new sandals stick to the floor each time you walk up to the bar is literally the best way to start a morning in Amsterdam. That’s not sarcasm. Following the tour, each person received a bracelet with three “buttons,” and each button was good for one Heineken beer.
I didn’t know that so many people would be willing to give us their extra buttons, as apparently not everyone wanted to max out their buttons at eleven in the morning. Well, that–and people didn’t want to sit in a musty basement all day swigging back beer when they had other sightseeing to do. That’s not really something I wished I knew, but it’s definitely not something I anticipated about this Amsterdam attraction. So, if you want extra beer from strangers, go early! I don’t know what the rush is to leave the Heineken bar. I really enjoyed the vibe of the bar area. There’s so many places set up for selfies, and everyone was generally in really good spirits and happy to be there. It felt a lot like the carefree days of college. Heineken does that to people.
Anne Frank Museum.
Yeah, I’ve really got no smug words of wisdom for this one.
Many students in the United States read Anne Frank‘s diary. Therefore, visiting the annex museum, the place where she lived in secret, was spellbinding in a way. From the first time I read her diary, it captivated me. The descriptions of the rooms and her desire to capture her very human reactions to things like love and crushes when the world around her was anything but human was always something that I found remarkable. Students forget about Shakespeare, and Pythagorean Theorem, and The War of 1812. Nobody forgets learning about Anne Frank or reading her story.
Anne Frank is perhaps the best involuntary spokesperson on the horrors of Nazism because her normal musings about life, especially life in a coming-of-age sense, demonstrate so poignantly her humanity. Her expression of humanity is one we can relate to, empathize with, and mourn. All of this allows us to see the utter injustice and disgusting barbarism of the Holocaust.
Be Mindful With This One.
I think what I wished I knew before visiting was how struck I would be with Anne’s ability to detail her environment. Her talent for encapsulating the tension and setting around her is brilliant. It’s especially perceptive and palpable for a writer of her age. I wish I took more mental photographs of the little nooks and corners of the Amsterdam home. They truly left me feeling astonished at her descriptive talents.
It’s formidable if not impossible to even begin to fathom and then describe the feeling of being in a place as infamous as the Anne Frank house. Seeing the bookcase which sealed off Anne and the others from the world, and the little steps leading to their secret annex is a moment that still disturbs me and makes me sick to my stomach. I was so astonished by everything that I saw, that I didn’t really take the time to reconcile those artifacts with the story of Anne Frank and her words. I wish I was more deliberate in how I ‘took in’ the home.
Van Gogh Museum.
Right from the jump, I’ll admit that while I walked the length of the Van Gogh Museum, I so regret not planning to spend more time at this Amsterdam attraction. I’m utterly fascinated by Van Gogh and the blurry line between his genius and his battle with mental illness. All that I’d ever known about Van Gogh prior to visiting was that he cut off his ear. To hear the history and state of his mind leading up to the incident is fascinating. To know that he was much more than “that guy who did the wacky thing” left me deeply ashamed, and at the same time, utterly in love with him.
Van Gogh’s works from his time in the south of France are positively brilliant. I still dream of seeing them. Each piece truly evokes the sense of being in south France in the summertime beneath the sun and amidst the flowers of seemingly every hue imaginable. It was Van Gogh’s dream to start an artist’s colony there. Paul Gauguin was his only friend who joined him in that vision. Van Gogh was petrified all the while that Gauguin would leave. He eventually did leave, and their argument which led to Gauguin’s departure is the moment in which Van Gogh cut off his ear in an instance of mental crisis and breakdown.
Give Yourself Extra Time at this Amsterdam Attraction.
Van Gogh seemed to be suffering from a disease that frayed his nerves so to speak. Off the record, his attending physician seemed to believe that too much alcohol and coffee and too little sustenance lead to a form of epilepsy. We’ll probably never know the disease which led to Van Gogh going on to have many more breakdowns, a stint at a psychiatric facility, and ultimately caused his suicide. Some have declared manic depressive disorder, but the understanding of medicine, especially psychiatric medicine at the time, was dim.
Plan on falling in love with his story, learning a lot more about the man that you thought you knew, and never wanting to leave.
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