Still I Cannot Stay.

Still I Cannot Stay. 

A thunderous desire to sob out loud comes from deep within

Obsessive thoughts escape their box and whisper, “how’ve you been?”

They put their arm around me, affectionate old friends are their disguise.

“Please don’t take this personally, it’s just we need you in order to survive.” 

A single hot tear streams down my cheek, “please not this again”

The bandit thoughts come to kill every last shred of hard fought zen.

I second guess, I over dress, I double click, and I obsess

I cannot write. My heart’s in flight. My mind becomes a mess.

A week or more, they stay in place, rent free within my mind.

A shattered soul, a body wrought with fatigue, are what they leave behind.

“Enjoy your time, it was nice to visit, we’ll be back before you know!”

I begin to sweep up the broken pieces of the home which housed my soul.

They’ll be back, as they always are, to take what they think is theirs.

I will cry, and I will shake and show all the signs of being scared. 

What do I do? I board a plane, despite the fact that I’m afraid I’m insane.

I count the breaths, the thoughts fade away, I get some peace for the day. 

I live in the moment, I move around, this keeps the thoughts at bay

Slowing down invites them back, so still, I cannot stay. 

[An in the moment poem about OCD.]